Joy, Scars, Forever (Part 2)
by R.C. Cummings
Summary: The behind the scene of what happens when Emily Prentiss meets up with her total past. (This is a cross over to a degree with Rizzoli & Isles) A sequel to Joy, Scars, Forever (Part 1)


***Okay as always I own nothing of Criminal minds or Rizzoli and Isle I just get the privilege of playing with the characters for a while.**

 **Please forgive the long lapse in time of this posting. Weather, sickness, & entertain family from abroad happened. You know life. I will try and post the third part sooner. **

Chapter One

" _You can come in now Jane."_

 _Maura and JJ looked up at the sliding door and saw Jane sitting on the floor in the door way frozen like she had just witnessed a comet hitting earth and couldn't move to say anything._

Chapter One

"Jane…Where did you come from," Maura asked concerned with the shocked look on her friends face.

Nothing came from the woman's mouth.

"She came in just before Jennifer started rubbing my back. I heard the door and her footsteps…I knew it was her." Emily said answering Maura's question.

"Why didn't you say anything habibiy"

"You quoted that poem and I was lost in your love. Her being there helped because I knew she would protect us from anything and I could relax into what you wanted me to."

"I think we broke her Maura." JJ said as she noticed the woman hadn't moved.

Maura slipped her robe back on and went too her friend. Jane snapped out of her amazement when Maura took her hand.

"I'm sorry Maur… I'm sorry."

"For what Jane"

"I came by to check on you guys and when I walked in I smelt the incense and thought you were meditating and so I came here took my shoes off to join you then I slid open the door and you all were naked. I just sat down knowing I couldn't join you but I couldn't leave either. I've never seen anything like that before."

Emily and JJ had slipped on their robes while the two women were talking. Maura pulled Jane up and walked her into the room. She could only look at the floor feeling ashamed and embarrassed. Emily walked over to her and lifted her chin up so Jane could look at her.

"I know all these emotions you are feeling," she paused making sure Jane was listening to what she had to say, "but hear me…what you were witness to was a divine act of love and you have every right to feel over whelmed and not to know what to do with it all. I also want you to know the healing love these women showed me… we would show you too if the circumstances present themselves… which I pray to God never do." She said as she embraced the confused woman.

Maura sensed everything was just too over the top for Jane, "Habibiy… Maybe you and Jennifer can go and shower for dinner while I make a salad and talk to Jane."

"That sounds like a good idea love." She said as she kissed Maura thanking her for the out of explaining further to Jane. Emily took JJ's hand after she hugged Maura and Jane on the way out.

Maura waited till she was sure that both Emily and JJ were upstairs before trying to approach a conversation with Jane. She could still feel the woman's uncertainty. Emily had defused some of the embarrassment but it just opened more questions in Jane she knew.

XXXXX

Emily and JJ entered the guest room where JJ was going to sleep. Emily noticed her go bag was in the corner.

"So here's where my clothes took off too."

JJ came up behind her and slid her hands around her waist. "Are you angry with us Em?"

"How can I be angry at the most beautiful thing that has ever been done for me?" She said as she turned to kiss her with a kiss of devotion. "Now I never got to check on you two. May I return the gift?"

"No… today was all about you."

"I realize that but I am not ignorant that was an amazing thing and I would be aroused if it were me."

"If it were you sweetie…you would control yourself until a cold shower could be obtained."

"You know me so well." She said kissing her slowly but was interrupted by JJ's phone ringing.

"It's Pen"

"Hey Pen…"

"No you didn't interrupt anything."

"No I do not sound more relaxed than I did at the Ambassador's house. Did you need something or is this strictly a fishing expedition?"

"Oh… okay that sounds good… hold on I'll ask."

She put her hand over the receiver… "Pen is coming over for dinner and wants to know what to bring."

"A large veggie pizza…a cheeseburger pizza and a box of doughnuts assorted and I swear that woman has sexdar."

JJ laughed at Emily's true confession about her best friend. She relayed Emily's request and they set a time for her to show up.

"You are bad Emily Prentiss."

"What…You know I'm right. How many times has she pinned you after a night of sex?"

"Touché"

"It's like she has surveillance on our sex endorphins or something."

Laughing, "Emily you know that's not true."

"You watch we will all have showered and I will put on my steely face and she will still know I had an orgasm today."

JJ lost it laughing…when she recovered she came back behind Emily wrapping her arms around her, "You want me to protect you from the big bad Penelope."

"Does that involve cuddling?"

JJ groaned knowing where this was going. "Is there something you are wanting?"

"Well… I could use a little cuddle time since you are sure I can't give back."

"Em you know fully well I do not need a release."

"I know…you and Maura both had a release with me but I'm just making sure it was enough."

"It was enough because it wasn't about us… it was about you."

"Okay then cuddles please."

"Oh… I think we have created a monster."

"No… I was saved from them by a Blackbird and her helper."

JJ pulled her tighter into herself. She loved having Emily back in her arms and so open.

"Jennifer…"

"Hmmm…" She kept kissing Emily's neck.

"I loved the sound of your voice in my ears. You are…"

"Shhh… let's cuddle on the bed."

XXXXX

Maura went around and blew out all the candles and walked into the kitchen to pull out the salad stuff after washing her hands. She knew that Jane would follow and start the conversation when she was ready to.

"Maur… I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say or feel about what I just saw."

"I'm sure that you are aroused and it scares you because how can you be aroused by women in intimate settings and not be gay? What you saw was Emily having a release but it was a healing thing not a sexual thing."

"It sure as hell looked like sex to me."

"No Jane it was love using sexual release as a means to express itself to heal a beautiful woman trapped in guilt and grief over the loss of a lover that she felt responsible for getting killed."

"I…I…I…" She couldn't get out her thoughts.

Maura knew that her friend was so aroused from what she saw and yet couldn't ask for what she needed. She walked up to Jane and entered her personal space. Jane's head felt like she had drunk a six pack on a Ferris wheel that hadn't stopped turning since she arrived at the house.

"Jane…Do you want a release?"

She starred a Maura and whispered, "I'm not gay."

Maura ignored the excuse and reached up and palmed Jane's breast gently and slowly so that her hands could be easily removed if Jane so desired to remove them.

"Do you want a release?"

Jane couldn't stop the words any longer because Maura's hands touching her were attached to her breathing. She had to have air and she had to have those magical hands on her. "Don't stop…God don't stop."

Maura smiled, "Prove you want it because I'm not going to do anything you do not want."

Jane's hands moved to the buckle of her belt and it was undone in lighting speed her pants behind them. Maura took that as an unspoken request. She lifted up to capture Jane's lips who complied in a desperate kiss of want and need.

Maura moved her hand down and found she was right… Jane was beyond needing she was on the edge of exploding. She continued kissing Jane knowing the woman wouldn't want the whole house knowing what was going on and not sure how loud Jane would be when she did release.

It wasn't very long for accomplishment for Jane was on the see saw's edge of falling off when Maura first touched her. Jane shook and groaned into Maura's mouth while she held her up as she fell to pieces.

When Jane regained her breath and composer she looked at Maura. Tears fell in understanding,

"Do you want a release?"

"No Jane I am good."

She starred at the woman and with disappointment on her face. "Is it me?"

"No Jane…" Maura looked up and kissed her again.

"Better watch those Jane they can become addictive." Emily said as she went by them to the refrigerator smiling.

"Habibiy…I thought you were getting a shower with Jennifer?"

"She kicked me out saying something about being a horn dog and that today was about me to leave her alone."

Maura laughed, "She is right."

Jane looked like she was going to throw up.

"Jane…Are you okay?" Maura asked noticing how pale she had become.

"What does she think?" Jane whispered motioning over towards Emily.

Emily put the orange juice back in the refrigerator after pouring herself a glass. She took a drink and started back towards the stairs slowly.

"Let's see what do I think? I think that you probably saw the sexiest thing in your life not more than a half an hour ago. I think you came out to the kitchen to discuss things with Maura and during the course of your conversation she heard the arousal in your voice. And don't even say you weren't aroused because what these ladies did for me would even cause Mother Theresa to take another look at her vows.

So I imagine she offered you a release but you being as straight as you are said you weren't gay but it was weakly said. My wife who is a caring person knew you were about to pop because of what you had seen…which she had not planned on you seeing and felt responsible for your predicament at the moment stepped into your space and gently made sure that is what you wanted.

I believe your endorphins danced for joy when she touched you and they didn't care if the hand that was going to set them free was male…female… your own…or a vibrating washing machine they just wanted to explode and dance which she made happen.

I believe I walked in about the time you were probably offering to give her a release and she declined. I also believe it disappointed you thinking she wants me for that not you which is not the truth.

The truth is that Maura has already had a release as did Jennifer. You are looking at me like how when I never touched them in that area? Jane…they were so focused in getting me to that point that when I did release it triggered one in them. That's how much these women love me and it is amazing. This is what I think seeing you stand there with your pants around your ankles…nice legs by the way."

Jane quickly pulled her pants up.

"Don't worry I'm a boob woman myself but legs are nice in the mix too. Now I'm going to take my leave of you two while Maura explains why this still doesn't make you gay." She said as she headed for the stairs. "Oh…almost forgot. Pen is coming over in about an hour and she is bringing a veggie pizza, a cheeseburger pizza, and a box of assorted doughnuts."

She looked at Maura's shocked and disappointed face, "I will eat your leafy salad habibiy but I want pizza and lots of sugar sweetness. Now…we will be out of the showers soon to which I suggest you both taking one yourself because Penelope Garcia can sniff out afterglows like a bloodhound can a fox."

They heard Emily saying to herself as she climbed the stairs, "I swear that woman has sexdar."

Jane looked at the stairs where Emily disappeared around. "Maura I think I love and hate your wife."

"You hate that she knew what happened but love her because she is getting junk food contraband in my house."

"Yes."

They looked at each other and laughed.

Chapter Two

Emily was in the kitchen helping Maura finish the salad before Penelope arrived while JJ was in the living room talking to Henry before his bedtime. Jane was still up in Maura's shower trying to figure out the last two hours of her life under the running hot water. She didn't know if she should enjoy having tried the other side or fall on her knees and say a hundred "Hail Mary's."

The last thought was borderline due to the fact it had felt so good what Maura had done and she even admitted to herself given the same circumstances she probably would do it again and that had to at least warrant some "Hail Mary's," all on its own.

She thought about the release she had offered Maura and about how on her part it was more of being considerate than her wanting to have sex with her friend. She wasn't even sure if she could have gone through with it if the offer was accepted.

She knew there was no way she could have done what Maura had done to Emily but wondered if she could have at least accomplished what her friend had for her. She thought back to all she had seen the three doing and how beautiful they moved together then had to agree with Emily that what they did for her was amazing and the sexiest thing she had ever seen.

As she got caught up in the remembrance of the afternoon she became aroused again finding Emily's statement about the hands and washing machine true also for she had to ease the ache that had built up again while she was in the shower.

"These women are changing me but that was just so beautiful what they did maybe diversification is good," was her last thought as she turned the shower off and headed to put on her back up sweats she had stashed in Maura's bottom drawer. She made it downstairs just as Pen rang the doorbell announcing her arrival.

"I got it." JJ said as she hung up the phone.

Pen was standing holding two pizzas, a box of doughnuts and her to go bag.

"Let me help you." She said as she took the three boxes from her hands.

"Penelope so nice of you to offer to bring dinner," Maura said as she came and hugged her.

"I've made a salad to go with it."

"You mean the only way we are getting to eat the other is to have to choke down grass with it." Jane said rolling her eyes and turning up her nose.

"Jane… salad is not grass."

"It's green and grows in the ground Maur… that's the definition of grass."

They all laughed at the friendly banter.

"Thank you Pen for bringing the baby's food," Emily said with a smile referring to the doughnuts as she hug her friend.

"You are welcome and my… aren't we the relaxed one tonight."

"Don't start your fishing expedition Pen. Em is in a semi-good mood since we have doughnuts don't spoil it." JJ said rescuing Emily from Pen's fishing.

"By the way did you and Xandy get that bug worked out?" Emily asked trying to change the subject.

"You mean did the slut work it out. I know Julie is a friend of yours Gumdrop but she is a royal pain in the ass. How could you have dated her?"

"One date Pen…one date."

"Please tell me you didn't do the horizontal tango with her because that would so blow up the pedal stool I have you on."

"No Pen…not that she didn't try every which way and her mother to get me to. I am not that kind of date by any means."

"No she's like a cat that likes to catch and release until the mouse can't take it anymore and throws themselves at her feet." JJ said laughing at Emily's shocked face.

"I beg your pardon..." She said starting to defend herself.

"Come on Em you know you chased JJ for years." Garcia said laughing. "And while we are on the subjects of cats… Chessie asked me why Maura called you habibiy all the time."

"And what did you tell my daughter?"

"That it was a pet name like sweetie or honey… then she said the strangest thing."

Emily could feel the buildup and knew she was in for it. "What did she say?" Starring at Pen with a "be very careful look."

"She asked if it was like when her mum called you Savior Faire. I said yes just like that. Now is that as in Savior Faire is everywhere?" Pen said with a bubble grin grinding in the meaning of her comment.

JJ spit her coffee out into the air while Maura choked on her wine.

"Garcia I swear to God if I get any Klondike Kat cartoons in my e-mail I'll…"

"Okay…okay fussy britches… I know you're a stud with the ladies just didn't know they named you is all."

Emily rolled her eyes, "Kia wasn't the one who gave me that name. It was my code name until she started using it all the time. Raphy is the one who gave it to me when we were in college as in savior faire causing mayhem and we did on a regular bases."

Maura looked at JJ and smiled a knowing smile of "Yeah but it still fits the other too." JJ lifted her eyebrows and smiled back in agreement.

Garcia never to miss a beat caught the exchange of looks and leaned over to JJ and whispered, "You owe me missy and I will collect my debt soon."

JJ laughed and patted her best friend on the arm like "keep dreaming."

"Who wants some veggie pizza?" Jane asked trying to guide the conversation off of sex because she was still tingling from the releases she had earlier and very uncomfortable at the moment.

Garcia looked up and started to say she did but stopped and looked at Jane. "You okay there Jane you look a little flushed?"

"Here it comes," Emily thought and knew Jane was no match for an interrogation conducted by one Penelope Garcia. She turned towards Jane, "Can you lower the temperature I'm warm too." She asked trying to help the woman out.

Jane looked at Emily and shook her head as she went around the corner to the thermostat silently thanking the woman for the reprieve. Maura handed out plates and had a beer waiting on Jane when she returned. Smiling a thank you to her best friend she took a big drink thinking "Tonight is going to be hell. I have a sign on my forehead that says "I more than kissed a girl and liked it."

The friends fell into light conversation while they ate but Pen could still feel the tension in the room. "Okay… ladies you know I love you and would never judge you but what's going on?"

"What do you mean?" Maura asked innocently.

"Well Em is her normal self which whatever you did thank God. You and JJ are sending convert messages through eye space and Jane looks like she can't decide between throwing up or saying "Hail Mary's."

It was Jane's time to spit her beer from her mouth. "How in the world does she do that?" She thought as she wiped her mouth.

"Pen" the other three women said in unison.

Jane lifted up a hand like let me. "Pen… I must agree with my friends you are a mighty foe when on the search of information. Give me a moment and I will surrender but I'm going to the bathroom first." She said as she got up and headed to the downstairs restroom.

"Pen…" JJ said slapping her friends arm.

"What? I just stated the obvious. There is an elephant in this room about to break down the walls."

"I'm going to go and check on her." Maura said getting up and heading towards the restroom.

"You know I could use you out in the field." Em said looking at Pen with a wink.

"Why?"

"You go for the throat of the weak and always get the kill."

"That's horrible Emily Prentiss. I'm not a predator."

"Oh really… fooled us." JJ chimed in a little upset with her friend.

"Well if you two would tell a girl a thing or two I wouldn't have to fish around now would I?" Garcia said trying to defend herself.

"Leave Pen alone she is just curious. I probably would be too if I was in her shoes but I wouldn't be able to put it the way she does." Jane said as she returned with Maura. "Let's refill our drinks and sit in the living room and have doughnuts that way we keep the pregnant hormones at peace while we talk."

They all laughed and filled their glasses and headed for the living room.

Jane decided to sit in a chair by herself instead of on the couch beside Maura where she normally would've sat. Maura and Emily sat there while JJ took up residence on the floor between Emily's legs. Penelope sat across from Jane in the other arm chair.

Jane sat looking at the floor trying to figure out how she should start this ballgame and how much the others would want her to say. "That's where I need to start" she thought. Downing half of her beer, "I guess I should ask this before I start." She looked up at Emily, Maura and JJ, "How much are you comfortable in me saying?"

Emily looked at Maura then JJ, "Jane we are okay with whatever you feel you need to say but know this is not necessary. Pen will live if she doesn't get information. Trust me." She said looking at Garcia like do not say otherwise.

"No… I need to talk to someone and I normally would talk to my best friend but since she is here and it involves her I need a different sounding board. I think I got all the bases covered here with a Catholic, best friend, bi-sexual and heterosexual so I got all the views."

Laughing Emily reached for a doughnut, "Okay but I'm having sugar since everyone else is having alcohol for this conversation. We all need to be buzzed on something."

That seemed to break the fear in Jane to start, "Yeah please have two just so those demons stay at bay." Emily smiled knowing Jane was trying to ease into talking.

"Pen you know that Emily left the Ambassadors house early because of a text from Maura and I knew this because I called looking for her to find out if she wanted a ride over here but she was already gone."

Pen shook her head as in yes I know all this already.

"Well I thought it was strange that she left early so I decided to come and check on everybody." The three women all closed their eyes trying not to laugh knowing what was coming. Garcia looked at them and knew she was about to get something juicy and scooted to the edge of her chair.

"I let myself in and I heard music in the yoga room and smelt incense burning so I figured Maura wanted to do a meditation with Emily. They have been doing that lately at the Ambassador's house so I walked over to the sliding door took my shoes off and opened it a little bit and… and…" clearing her throat and drinking the rest of her beer.

"I think you guys have broken her. What were you doing in the yoga room having sex or something?"

Jane chocked on her beer while the three women lost it laughing.

"Wait y'all had a sapphic orgy and didn't call me?"

"Penelope!" JJ shouted.

"What?"

"It wasn't an orgy it was naked meditation to help Emily open up more." Maura offered as a more polite way of explaining what they did.

"That sounds borderline Dr. Isles and let me guess Jane found out that there is a little voyeur in her that she had no clue was there."

"Pen…" JJ said trying to stop her friends roll knowing it wasn't helping anything.

"Hey… I like a good voyeur adventure here and there so call me next time and I will bring my popcorn not the kind that Emily pops though but my own."

"Okay that's enough." Emily said in a stern voice. "Pen… you will never be a voyeur in my bedroom because it's not "Dancing with the Stars" where you get to call in a vote of I'll give it a ten for style but over all a nine because of the unusual dismount."

"Emily that's crude." Maura admonished.

"No what's crude is sitting here and hearing this crap. What you two did for me today was beautiful and the conversation that is going on right now is why we would never include you Garcia. Maura and Jennifer never meant to include Jane either she happened in on it. Not everyone can handle love at its purest level." She said as JJ hooked her arms around Emily's legs trying to get her to calm down.

Jane had found her voice again and decided she better join in before Penelope had a Glock pointed at her head again. "Pen… what Emily is saying is true. I was like you at first thinking I was seeing a sexual act but what Maura told me later is truly what happened "That healing was just using sex as a means to heal." I still can't explain it because if I think about it much it over whelms me." She said as the tears started to flow. Maura reached out and took her hand.

"Wow… something really did happen that moved you." Pen said watching the strong detective in tears. "Jane it's okay if it moved you but why the scared look all night? Watching them didn't make you gay…" Jane looked up and Pen saw it, "Unless something else happened." She finished with.

"Pen what I saw was the sexiest thing I ever saw in my life and not because it was women. I am a cop and have had to see many a porn flicks and they never aroused me. I was trying to play it off and cool down but it wouldn't stop so Maura helped me with my situation…"

Jane looked to the floor and couldn't speak any more. Penelope got up and came and got in front of Jane on her knees. The three women were waiting to see what she was up to before rescuing Jane.

Pen put her hand up under the woman's chin and lifted her face up so she could look her in the eyes. "Jane I am going to tell you a story I have never told anyone and only one other person knows this but I believe it will help you."

Emily and Maura looked down at JJ who shrugged her shoulders letting them know she had no clue. They looked back at the two totally curious.

"Before I joined the F.B.I. I was a hot mess. I hung around with all types and I knew a lot of bi-sexual girls and a few lesbians. I never had the desire to be with a woman but there was one night that I was at a party over at Sunshine's house."

Emily looked at JJ and mouthed Sunshine. JJ grinned at Emily knowing the woman was thinking how strange Pen was.

"Now let's just say I was well above the legal limit to drive so she offered for me to stay there at her house that night. I should've known better because she was bi-sexual and was always flirting with me, anyway we got into her bed to sleep and she asked if she could give me a ride I would remember forever. I told her I was straight and wasn't into sex with woman which she already knew by the way. But she wouldn't leave it alone until I gave in on the condition if afterwards I still felt the way I did I didn't have to reciprocate."

"So you didn't…" Jane couldn't bring herself to say the word but everyone could tell she was talking about having an orgasm.

"Oh hell yeah it was like Christmas pancakes and Fourth of July ice cream all rolled in one." The three over by the couch all tried to contain their laughter but they lost the battle. "But Jane I'm not gay and I couldn't give the feeling back to her even if I felt I owed her."

Emily couldn't keep out of the conversation on the last part, "So you left her in a state of arousal?"

"It's okay Em I made it up to her later."

"I thought you said you never had kissed a girl?" JJ chimed in curious.

"I haven't… I made it up to her by introducing her to Shelia the next day and they have been a couple for years now." She said smiling.

Emily threw up her hands in surrender to the blond tech goddess.

"But back to the subject. I'm sure you are feeling all kinds of emotions and have thousands of questions but I imagine the biggest of both of them revolves around giving back."

"How do you know I didn't?"

"Oh… honey you wouldn't look like you lost your best friend if you had. I've been around enough people who experiment to know. The only ones including myself that look like you do right now are the straight ones who feel guilty because they enjoyed the orgasm they got but couldn't give one when they felt it was their turn."

"She didn't need one… but if she did I…" Jane looked to the floor as the weight of guilt and shame hit her full force and the tears started again.

"Okay Pen, Jennifer let's go upstairs so Maura and Jane can finish this conversation." Emily said as she kissed Maura on the cheek and got up and headed up the stairs with Pen and JJ right behind her. "Who names their kid Sunshine?" Emily asked Pen as they went up the stairs.

"They were hippies they also had a son named Doobie."

"You're lying."

"No I'm not."

"Wait that's the guy you told me that did that thing with..." JJ started saying.

"Exactly… but I think his sister must have told him about it because she was a whole lot better at it or at least she knew where it felt the best."

"You're so bad." JJ said swatting her friend on the arm laughing.

That was the last of the conversation they could hear as the women made it up the stairs. Maura gave Jane a few moments in case she wanted to say something first but the room was silent except for some sniffles. Jane hadn't raised her head from the floor since trying to explain herself.

Maura dropped Jane's hand and started to go and get her another beer hoping it might help the upset woman. She didn't realize that Jane had stood and followed her and caught her before she reached the refrigerator. She pulled her friend into a tight hug.

"Maur…" She started not releasing her embrace. "I do not know how they read my thoughts but what Pen was saying is the truth and I am so sorry…" She said crying again.

"What are you sorry for Jane?"

"I know I offered but I could never do what you did for Emily. I might and that's a big might do what you did for me…"

"Jane… Emily was right earlier when she said I had no intention of you seeing what you saw but you did and I know it was very overwhelming. I am not ashamed of anything you saw or did because that is who I am but it's not who I am asking you to be."

"I am not asking you to be ashamed it was beautiful and that's what makes me sad I think… because it was beautiful… and I can't give it to you. If you would have asked me before this afternoon about it I would have been disgusted or at the very least made a joke about it but it's not a joke and what happened in there wasn't making love…it was love manifested."

"I want you to stop beating yourself up over this. You do not enjoy oral sex even with a man. Most women do not even though men think otherwise. I'm not fond of it myself but with a woman it is different and I really can't elaborate on it to help you understand. It is just something you have to try to know if it's for you or not. There are even lesbians who do not enjoy oral sex with their partners and do not do it. They use other means of pleasing their partners.

I want you to understand I am not asking for any sexual contact from you. All I want is what you freely give to me in the way of your friendship and affections. I also want you to stop being sad. I believe there is a man that you will feel connected with and love but the love manifested thing like Emily said is the purest form of love on earth and is not easily obtained not because it's for an elite few but because of the understanding of it. One has to open their hearts against the normal standards of perceptions to understand pure love. "

"Are you saying I will never be able to understand pure love?"

"No…what I am saying is you have moved leaps and bounds towards understanding it. But it is not easy and I will accept you at where ever you are along your journey of acceptance. I haven't even finished my own journey of opening my heart and mind to love's purest voice."

Jane and Maura's phones rang before anymore conversation could ensue.

"Rizzoli…"

"Isles…"

XXXXX

The three women ended up in JJ's room after leaving the living room so Jane and Maura could talk.

"So naked meditation," Garcia said as a statement more than a question.

"See I told you JJ sexdar." Emily said with a knowing look towards JJ.

JJ laughed at her best friend and lover. "You two are a mess."

"What? Being around Emily is like being around a reality show on steroids."

"Pen if I were you…I'd just drop it," JJ warned.

"Okay…Okay… but do you think Jane is going to be alright?"

"Maura will talk to her and you did a very good thing down there. I know it was hard telling your story but I think it helped Jane and I am proud of you." Emily said patting the woman on the back for a job well done.

"Now you two…I want to ask some questions and I'm not being crude I just want to know something I promise." Pen said holding up her hands like don't get defensive.

"Okay Pen…We're not guaranteeing that we will answer anything but go ahead and ask." Emily answered with a "be careful look" on her face.

"I just want to know whose idea of this afternoon was and why they thought it would work."

"That's a very good question Pen and I think JJ is the one with the answer that we both will be very interested in know." She said looking to the woman with the "oh crap" face on.

"Okay…but you are not going to like part of the answer Em but we did it for your own good."

Emily looked at her with an "it is okay go ahead," look.

"Well it all started when we came off the mission and we noticed that you weren't yourself. We saw that you were able to give affection but were having difficulty receiving it. Maura and I talked about it at the hotel some after our girls' night but Maura decided to journal her thoughts and perceptions…"

"So you two profiled me."

"Not in so many words… I told her you wouldn't like that and you would take it as profiling. She called it collection of data…"

"It's still profiling JJ."

The woman noticed the use of JJ instead of Jennifer. "Calm down Em… and please listen."

"I'm all ears." She said extending her hand out motioning for JJ to continue.

Garcia looked at Emily noticing the change in vocal tones. "I think they did it because they love you Em and you wouldn't go for help… you know you wouldn't."

"As I said I'm all ears. Hit me with your profile."

"I told you we didn't profile you but she did notice some interesting things." She waited to see if the woman was going to interrupt again but she didn't. "Maura noticed that basically you have lived four lives in one."

"So you two think that I have a split personality?"

"In some respects yes and in some respects no. Meaning… you were trained how to split your life into another personality and when things get rough you hide in those personalities. The compartmentalizing was really hiding in another life where whatever was going wouldn't affect you.

She said it was like when a child is molested they take themselves out of the situation so it is not really happening to them.

She also noticed that with everything happening and coming together that all your lives were blurring together stressing you out."

"So let me get this straight… the women I'm in love with think I'm crazy with multiple personalities?"

"No…You didn't listen to what I said."

"I heard every word." She said as she left the room and out the back way as not to bother Maura and Jane.

"I'm sorry JJ I had no clue… me and my big mouth."

"No Pen she would have found out eventually. I just wish Maura had been up here she seems to be able to talk to Emily better than I do about these things."

Jane and Maura stuck their heads in the room to inform the women that they had to leave on a case shortly after Emily had left.

"Where's Emily?" Maura asked.

"I think she is in your bedroom but be careful the demon hormones are back. She thinks you and JJ profiled her."

"Damn…"

"Language Maur…"

"I'm going to go and check I'll be right with you Jane."

"Take your time we have time the guy is already dead."

"That's bad Jane." JJ said smiling.

"Bad but true…so Emily is on the war path again?"

"Yep…" JJ said holding the bridge of her noise.

"Jane… Maura yelled."

They all went running to Maura's bed room. "She's not here… she not in the house."

"She couldn't have gotten far Maura we will find her while you two go to your crime scene." JJ said catching Maura in a hug.

"She's right Maur… Emily couldn't have gotten far. She probably just needed to cool off."

"You warned me not to journal but she wasn't going to get help herself. I was worried about the baby and her health. I can't lose her. Where can she be?"

"Come on Maur… Pen will call us when they find her. It will be okay."

"Jane… I can't feel her. She has shut me out totally again."

"It will be okay Maura we will find her. I believe when you explain it better she will come around." JJ said trying to comfort the upset woman.

"Jennifer she is really hurt or she wouldn't have left like that. She left me once before and never returned like this." Maura said running into the bathroom to cry.

"Damn it… we got to find her. I haven't seen her…this upset since she slapped Emily in the morgue." Jane said sitting down on the bed to wait until Maura gained control over her fear.

Chapter Four

"Morgan we have looked everywhere. She disappeared into thin air I swear." Garcia said with a teary voice.

"Look I'm coming over and I'll bring Raphy and Jaclyn with me. If anyone can find her those two can."

"Don't bet on that one." Jaclyn said with a smirk. "If she doesn't want to be found we will not find her. Remember she is the master and we her mere pupils."

Raphy shook his head in the affirmative to Jaclyn's statement.

"Then what would you two suggest?"

"Wait for the clues. If she wants to be found she will contact the one she wants to talk with." Raphy said.

"We can't do nothing…"

JJ took the phone from Garcia, "Derek… Maura is a mess on a crime scene with Jane and Emily is almost five months pregnant we have to do something if nothing else to help keep Maura calm."

"Okay…okay…calm down little momma… Jaclyn and I will be over in a few. I will inform Hotch and Rossi here. Raphy said he will check a few places he knows. It will be okay."

"I'm not so sure… she was pretty angry Derek. You know how she feels about being profiled."

"I do but she has never followed through on her threats on me so she will cool off and you will have the girl group thing with tears, hugs and kisses and it will be all good."

"Hope your right."

XXXXX

Jane entered the bullpen where Korsak and Frankie had gone after the crime scene.

"Have they found her yet Jane?"

"No Frankie she is still in the wind."

"I have to say that woman is good. She vanished in less than five minutes."

"Korsak she is the best in her field is all I can say."

"How's Maura doing?"

"You saw here at the crime scene. It was almost worse than having Pike there." Frankie said with a worried expression.

"I wouldn't go around saying that or we might have two missing mad women." Korsak said trying to lighten up the mood.

"Look we have a good idea that the girlfriend's brother was the shooter in this homicide so you two go pick him up and I'm going down stairs with Maura. She insists on doing the autopsy tonight to keep her mind off of Emily."

"Jane we got it here you go be with Maura." Korsak said as he passed by her on the way out.

She sat back in her chair and thought about everything needing a few more moments to gather her thoughts before checking in on Maura. She thought about what Emily had said about the firing range being a place she could burn off anger and she just felt in her gut that is where the woman had headed to. She grabbed her coat and went to get Maura.

XXXXX

"Derek I swear she walked out of the bedroom up stairs and vanished." Pen said waving her hands in the air as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"It's going to be okay baby girl. Emily is a grown woman and she knows how to take care of herself." He said gathering the upset woman in his arms.

JJ's phone rang. "Jereau"

"That would sound about right."

"No you and Maura go I think she needs to talk with her but call and let us know either way please."

"That was Jane… She thinks Emily might be at the firing range at her mom's house."

"I'll call Hotch…"

"No!"

"JJ they are closer." Morgan said with a questioning look.

"Yes but she needs to talk with Maura and if Hotch finds her first it may just piss Emily off more that we were looking for her. You know how she is."

"If she is firing a gun wouldn't they have heard it and where would she get a gun she didn't have one here?" Pen asked with a questioning look.

"Pen she didn't have one in the limo either but she made one appear out of thin air."

"True"

"If she is firing a gun she probably has a silencer on it." Morgan added.

"Poor Jane…"

"Why poor Jane," he asked with a puzzled look.

"Poor Jane because she will have an angry Maura and an armed Emily on her hands," Garcia said half smiling.

"A lethal combination…now you understand why I didn't want to go with them."

"That's bad JJ…" Morgan and Pen said together laughing giving her a look of "we don't blame you either."

XXXXX

Jane was breaking speed bearers trying to get to the Ambassador's house as quickly as she could. "Maur… when we get there let me find her first she might have a gun."

"Jane she isn't going to shoot me."

"Not what I meant. She might be shooting and I just want to make sure she knows we are there so no accidents happen."

"Okay…just get us out there please."

Jane turned her lights off as she approached the shed leading up to the firing range. She got out and didn't hear anything. Out of habit she pulled her gun.

"Drop the gun Jane."

Jane heard the voice but had no clue where it came from. "Emily… Maura wants to talk with you."

"That's how she talks now…she brings her best friend with a gun?"

"No habibiy… Jane put your gun up. Emily isn't going to harm us." Maura said as she got out of the car.

"Sorry Emily I'm not accustom to getting out in the dark in the middle of nowhere without it drawn. I'm holstering it now…see."

Maura started to head in the direction of Emily's voice, "Stay where you are."

"Emily…"

"I can hear you."

"Maur…listen to her. We are on her turf here."

"This is absurd Emily. Let's go back to my house and talk this over."

"What you need more information to put in your journal so you can profile and cure a split personality Dr. Isles."

Jane looked at Maura worriedly. She could hear the even tones of Emily and it reminded her of the night the woman had her by the throat. "Maur… we might want to let her work things out and then let her come to us."

"No…"

"I'd listen to your friend you might not know which one of me you have."

"Then which one of you do I have… Emily…Lauren…Michelle…or the bitch?"

Jane looked at Maura like she was crazy. "Easy there…Maur."

"No…Jane if she wants and all out argument than she has got one now."

"Answer me Emily!"

There wasn't a sound.

"Emily…Answer me!"

Silence… Jane pulled her gun again for protection. "Get in the car Maura."

"I will not… this is nonsense."

"Get in the car now!" Jane yelled.

Maura did as Jane told her. She went to the side where she thought she heard Emily's voice coming from but she saw nothing. She stood there for a few moments looking around and then looking back at the car she saw nothing.

She decided to go back not sure what kind of mental state Emily was in or what kind of weapons she had access to, "I think she is gone."

"We have to find her."

"Look for all I know she has a rifle pointed at us right now and she doesn't miss from what I've seen. She doesn't want to talk right now so let's just give her some space. My main concern is getting us out of here in one piece because I believe you were talking to Emily's Michelle personality. I think I have met her before and she is all business and scary Maur."

"Jane she is of no threat to us but I will give her space take me back to the morgue."

"Maur… someone else can do the autopsy. I'm taking you home."

"Jane…"

"No Maura you are not yourself right now and JJ needs to be informed. Hell the army needs to be informed we have an armed angry pregnant woman on the loose."

"Jane…" she admonished but knew that Jane's statement was partly true.

Chapter Five

Maura walked into her house with Jane on her heels. She was emotional on the edge of losing it. She had just reconnected with Emily on a level that they hadn't since they were teenagers and now she was gone again.

"Was she at the firing range?" Pen asked hopeful.

"She was Pen but she really wasn't in a talking mood and then like a ghost she vanished again." Jane answered knowing Maura did feel like conversing.

"What do you all expect?" Jaclyn said in a "what were you expecting" kind of tone.

"What do you mean?" Maura asked almost in tears again.

"You two profiled her," pointing at JJ and Maura, "Why do you profile? To find and protect...congratulations you found a killer. Oh wait… she already told you she was a killer so I guess you profiled her to protect but... protect who? That's right to protect yourselves."

"How dare you… we made observations to help her through the pain she was in."

"Rightttt… the pain she was in. You're her soul mate and you couldn't just talk to her about it… what she not opening up fast enough there for you doctor?

"Get out of my house!"

"I'll go but remember this you two..." she said pointing at Maura and JJ again, "she absolutely adores you two and trusted you where she hasn't trusted anyone ever and you have caused more pain than any physical damage that was ever done to her."

JJ caught Maura as she fainted from the shear truth of the statement. "Help me get her to the couch Jaclyn…then leave before she wakes up."

"Maura…come on…Maura wake up… Jane…Get some water or juice now." JJ yelled as she tried to rouse the woman in her arms.

"She's coming too JJ." Pen noticed.

"Maura honey we have you some water."

"What happened?"

"You fainted…sweetie. Come on drink some water for me."

"JJ…"

"It's okay…just take it easy"

"Emily…have we found her yet?"

"No…not yet" Jane answered with sad eyes.

"Why don't you go and lay down up stairs for a while and we will call you when we find her?" Pen offered trying to be of some help.

"No…I need to apologize to her…"

"Tell you what I'll come and stay with you while Jane goes and finds her." JJ said looking at Jane like agree with me so we can get her up stairs and resting.

"Yeah… Maur I'll go and find her for you."

JJ wrapped her arm around Maura's waist and they headed up stairs. The group waited till they were out of ear shod to say anything.

"Lord…Emily has to come back or that woman is going to fall apart." Pen said in tears.

"Baby girl it will work out."

"Morgan's right Pen…Emily will come around I hope." Jane said truly wishing her statement would be true.

"Jane…Did you get to talk with her before she vanished?"

"She was all business Pen. I pulled my gun out when we first got there out of habit of going into dark places and she told me to drop it."

"You pulled a gun in Emily's presence and expected her to be all "hey…."

"Aren't you supposed to be gone by now Jaclyn?"

"I'm just saying you are lucky to be alive."

XXXXX

JJ helped Maura into her bedroom. She noticed Maura was leaning into her and she wondered if they were going to have to call Dr. Kate. She would have to see how things went but she wasn't going to take any chances.

"Do you want to change into something more comfortable?"

"No…I just am going to lay here a moment and then I'll go into the office."

"Okay…" JJ decided to just agree with the woman so she would sleep. "Do you need me to stay?"

"Yes please for a little while."

JJ crawled into the bed beside Maura and the roles reversed, this time Maura placed her head on JJ's chest. The two settled in two each other understanding the worry and fear they both had at not knowing where Emily was and what state of mind she was in.

Maura could smell Emily's perfume on JJ's shirt and she began to cry. "Shhh…It will be okay just rest sweetie." JJ said as Maura cried herself to sleep.

Oh bien-aimés, retiens ce que je veux _(Oh Beloved, take away what I want.)_

Otez ce que je fais. _(Take away what I do.)_

Retiens ce que je dois _(Take away what I need.)_

Otez tout ce qui me prend de vous. _(Take away everything that takes me from you.)_

 _Dark eyes looked into her soul. "Emily your back"_

Je ne te quitterai jamais mon amour _(I would never leave you my love.)_

 _Lips warm and alive connected with hers…_

"Maur… we have a case." Jane knocked on the door and woke both Maura and JJ.

"Jane… News on Emily" She asked as she awoke from the dream that was as real as the bed she was laying on.

"No I'm sorry but we have to go…it's a double homicide in Hyde Park."

"Okay… give me a few moments. I want to change into something else."

"See you downstairs in five and I'll get your bag." She said as she closed the door behind her.

"What time is it?"

"It's 7:30am." JJ answered her looking at her phone to see the time and if there were any messages.

"Wow three whole hours, I'm a new woman." Maura said half smiling.

"Are you sure you are okay to do this?"

"I'm good Jennifer. It's going to be okay…I dreamed about her."

JJ smiled realizing that the woman was grasping onto threads. She didn't understand why Maura had so much fear about Emily this time and it worried her. "I'm going to go make you some tea while you dress."

"Thank you…" she reached out and took JJ's hand, "for everything."

JJ smiled and squeezed her hand and left her alone to dress.

Everyone looked at each other worriedly when Maura descended the stairs wearing Emily's Yale t-shirt and jeans. She walked over to where JJ had a cup of tea waiting and drank some.

"You okay there Maur."

"I am why do you ask?"

"Well you are dressing up or shall I say down for the crime scene."

"As you pointed out they are dead already so my attire shouldn't offend them." She said as she put sunglasses on to cover the fact that she had been crying.

"Okay then…lets go slugger." Jane said as she looked back over her shoulder and gave JJ a concerned look of "what do I do?"

JJ gave her a "hang in there and good luck" look all in one.

XXXXX

Jane and Maura arrived on the scene of the double homicide at a little market run by a husband and wife by the name of Kim. The scene seemed straight forward; two men had come into the store in the early morning to rob it but were shot by a male customer who had resisted the robbers.

The male customer left the gun with two dollars for something he had picked up and took the first aid kit with him because he had a cut on his head and had been shot in the right arm during the struggle and left. The couple described him as shorter white man dark haired with a full beard wearing like construction coveralls.

Jane thought it was very odd that the man left when the shooting seemed to be justified. She felt maybe he was an illegal immigrant at first but the white male didn't fit. She walked over to Maura who was taking a sample of blood and hair from off a metal display hook.

"So what do you think Maur?"

"You know I do not guess Jane."

"Humor me for once." She said huffing and stomping her foot.

"Well if I was going to assume what happened…"

"Assume faster…" She said moving her hand in a rolling fashion.

"Don't rush me. I would say the male customer is about 5'8" and was standing here when a robber surprised him knocking him into the display hanger since there is blood and hair here. I then would assume that the customer somehow got the robber to point his gun at the second robber over there by the register and shot that man in the head killing him and triggering that robber to shoot which landed in the male customer's right arm because of the blood pool here, I also believe his injury is a threw and threw because I see a whole in that bag of chips over there."

Jane went to check the area out. "I think you right Maur there is blood splatter around the end of the bullet. You should assume more often."

"I would then assume a struggle for the gun ensued with the male customer winning and shooting the second robber in the chest killing him."

"How much damage would an injury like that cause?"

"It depends on what the bullet hit on its way thru the arm. If it hit muscle only then minimal blood loss but if it hit an artery then severe blood loss."

"Well I'm not seeing a lot of blood trialing out to the sidewalk so I'm going to assume minimal damage but he would still have to go to the doctor though right?"

"The store owners said the man took the first aid kit with him. He might have some medical training which depending on the damage could impede his need for professional medical help for a while."

"Well we will put a bolo out for a gunshot victim at the local medical facilities just in case. Are we done here?"

"I'm ready for bodies to be removed. We can head in to BPD so I can prepare to do the autopsies and get these samples to the lab. Maybe we will get a hit on the DNA from the hair and blood samples."

XXXXX

"It's been hours since anyone has heard from her Hotch." JJ said into her phone. "Garcia has every known trace possible going on her lap tops to track her down.

"I know she will come around but I can't help worrying. She has been a rock for everyone else and has taken so much on in such a short time I just worry not to mention she is five months pregnant."

"I know she is strong and I'll send Morgan back to you so the work can continue. Thank you for letting Garcia and I work from here today."

"I will let you know when and if we hear anything." She said hunging up her cell phone.

"Garcia… Can you pull up security footage of where Jane and Maura are?" Jaclyn asked looking like she had a thought.

"In my sleep," she said as her fingers flew over her key board.

"What are you thinking Jaclyn?" JJ asked as the store came in focus on one of the scenes of her computers.

"I have a hunch but I need to see some footage. Can you go back to earlier when the shooting happened?"

"How did you know they were shot?"

"Shhh…give me a moment." She said watching the footage of the male customer entering the store. "Damn… Calvin Stuart."

"What are you talking about?" JJ asked in an impatient tone.

"I need to see the bodies to be sure but I believe the shooter in that store was Calvin Stuart."

"Who is Calvin Stuart?"

"I got to see those bodies."

"Maura isn't going to let you near them."

"I know that's why I need you to come with me and help me convince her too."

"Why should I do that now?"

"It will help in finding Emily."

"How," JJ asked in frustration.

"We do not have time for a hundred and one questions just trust me."

"Okay," JJ said after looking at the woman and seeing sincerity in her eyes. "Let's go see Maura."

Chapter Six

Maura headed to the morgue while Jane went to the café for coffee before going up to the bullpen to look for information and clues to who their male shooter may be.

"Jane…"

The woman stopped and looked to see who was calling her name and saw JJ and Jaclyn entering the lobby.

"Hey what are you two doing here and are you crazy Jaclyn?" rolling her eyes at JJ.

"Look I know things are a mess but she thinks she knows your shooter's ID but she needs to see the bodies before she can say for sure."

"How in the hell does she even know I have… never mind spook stuff I guess." She said hitting herself upside the head.

"I will sign you in but you need to stay in the café until I talk to Maura. I do not want her flat on the morgue floor or going into one of her slapping fits." JJ shook her head in agreement on that one as Jane signed them in and got them situated in the café.

She walked into the morgue and found Maura talking to Susie.

"Jane…thought you were going to go up to the bullpen?"

"I was but JJ and Jaclyn are here."

"Why… do they have news on Emily?" She asked with a hopeful expression.

"No sweetie but Jaclyn thinks she knows the shooter of our guys but she needs to look at the bodies to know for sure."

"How does she even know…"

"I don't know Maura but JJ seems to think she is on the up and up so will you just let her see them?"

"Okay but they haven't arrived yet. I was on my way to get into my scrubs so just keep them up stairs until the bodies arrive. I will text you when she can see them."

XXXXX

Emily was sitting on the plane thinking about the last six months of her life. She was married to a beautiful woman with a beautiful daughter then all hell broke loose. Now she was in the middle of her past that seems to be like a cat with nine lives. She looked out the window as the plane took off she had to go her life now was in chaos because of her past resurrecting again and she wasn't going to go through the pain of losing the two people left in her life that she loved. They deserved better than a messed up life that felt like was in a ground hog's day loop.

XXXXX

It had taken over an hour for the bodies to arrive and be prepped for the autopsies. Jane had waited with JJ and Jaclyn in the café. She was frustrated with Jaclyn's secrecy on the shooter till she had seen the bodies. She could tell Emily was the one who trained the woman because she wasn't cracking no matter what angle she approached the subject.

"I bet you pissed the hell out of Emily while we were on the mission." Jaclyn said huffing at Jane.

"Yeah… from what I hear Emily came close to chocking her." JJ said laughing at the two women.

"I can appreciate the urge."

"Hey… who's getting you in to see the bodies?" Jane said in a well-meaning whine.

"Okay…Now you two let's be civil." JJ said with a mother's warning tone.

"She started it." Jane said pointing at Jaclyn.

"Never mind…" JJ was interrupted by Jane's phone buzzing.

"It's Maura… we can go and see the bodies now."

"Thank God…" JJ said not wanting to play referee any more. Jane and Jaclyn were worse than girls' night with Emily and Pen.

They walked into the morgue at the same time that Susie was telling Maura she would have to enter a code to get the results of the DNA test because the person it belonged to was classified. While Maura was processing the code Jaclyn went to the bodies.

Both Jaclyn and Maura said at the same time "It is Emily."

"What?" Jane and JJ said at the same time.

Jaclyn motioned for Maura to speak first. "The blood and hair samples are from Emily."

"Wait you said you thought it was a Calvin Stuart?" JJ said looking at Jaclyn.

"Yes…and Calvin Stuart is one of her covers."

"You mean one of Emily's covers is a man?" Jane asked in disbelief.

"Calvin Stuart is one of her earlier covers and she does him very well and god I hate it."

"Why?"

"Because now I have to become him if we do not find her soon, she owes me big time I hate Calvin."

Maura stood there frozen looking at the computer screen saying the DNA was Emily's. JJ noticed she hadn't moved, "Maura are you okay?"

"No I'm not… your saying that my Emily is this man and she has a head injury and a gunshot wound."

"Maura she will be okay she is trained on how to handle these kind of situations." Jaclyn said trying to reassure the woman that Emily was okay.

"No it's not okay… It's not okay…" JJ moved quickly behind her sensing the woman was going to faint again. It only took a split second later and JJ was catching her again.

"Help me get her into that office…Susie can you take ownership of the bodies and lab because Dr. Isles isn't feeling well."

"I will take care of things here…you take care of Dr. Isles." She said worriedly.

They got Maura on the couch in her office. JJ was now sure she needed to contact Dr. Kate. She also called Garcia to start a search on any information or activity on Calvin Stuart.

"Yes Dr. Kate thank you we will get Maura to her house. See you there soon."

"Okay… Jaclyn…you stay here with her I'm going to go and get the SUV and Jane you need to bring your car to the loading dock. We need to run with lights and sirens to her place. Dr. Kate is going to meet us there and Pen is running Calvin Stuart as we speak."

They placed Maura in the back seat of the SUV since there was more room. Jaclyn rode with JJ so she could keep an eye on the woman who they had gotten awake again but was still hazy.

Dr. Kate was already there and waiting at the door when they arrived at the house. She came to the back of the SUV and opened the door. "I see sadly my fear has come true for the soul now needs help."

"I'm sorry Dr. Kate they shouldn't have worried you. I just need…" She almost stumbled getting out of the vehicle.

"You need to rest and I bet your blood pressure is playing games with you. Have you eaten today?"

"No she hasn't eaten since last night around eight." Jane said as she came up to wrap her arm around Maura's waist to help steady her so she could make it into the house."

"Then my first suggestion is a glass of juice and some toast."

"I'm on it." JJ said running ahead of them to open the door and to get the juice.

"JJ good you here…"

"Hold on Pen I have to get some juice for Maura…" she said as she poured a glass and started the toast, "Okay what have you found?" She asked while placing the juice on the bar as the others made it in the house.

"Calvin Stuart checked into the Hyatt at 11am this morning."

"That's great Pen…"

"She will not be there but she will have left instructions for us." Jaclyn said busting everyone's hopeful bubble as she walked in behind Jane and Maura.

"You don't know that." Pen said upset that Emily would be gone again.

"Yes I do Pen. I'm sorry but trust me. Jane we need to go so I can become Calvin and you can arrest me. JJ you might want to have one of your guys meet us there because you have your hands full at the moment." She said looking at Maura.

"Right… I'll call Hotch and he will probably send Morgan to meet you."

Maura didn't say anything she just sat there drinking her juice and refused the toast.

"I'll be back as quickly as I can Maur…"

"Go Jane…I would say find her but it is hard finding someone who doesn't want to be found."

Jane squeezed Maura's shoulder as she went by trying to give some comfort to the broken woman before her. She wanted to kill Emily for hurting her friend so bad but she couldn't keep her anger totally up because Emily was a broken soul too.

Chapter Seven

Jane and Jaclyn cleared the hotel room as they entered. No one was there only a bag with coveralls and the facial hair of one Calvin Stuart and two letters in envelopes on the bed. The first had Jane's name on it and the second Maura's with personal in parentheses.

Jane opened the one with her name on it and read it aloud to Jaclyn and Morgan who had just arrived.

Jane…Know this I would never point a rifle or any other weapon at Maura. Secondly I am not crazy in fact I am in total control of my emotions and hormones. I told one Rizzoli to make sure the safety was off before pulling a gun now I'm telling the other one. I could have taken it from you several times last night but that wasn't what I wanted.

Now tell Maura that the bitch needs sleep and tell Jaclyn I owe her for Calvin. I know she hates that cover but I didn't plan on her having to use it when I chose it…. Emily

"Damn right she owes me." Jaclyn said as she took the bag and the small bag she had brought with her into the bathroom.

"Morgan read the other letter." Jane said looking at his hand where it was.

"No way Jane it says personal and I'm not opening that can of worms."

"I'll do it." She said as she took it and opened it. "Damn."

"What is it?" He asked wondering what it said.

"It's in French."

They heard laughing coming from the bathroom as Jaclyn knew that Emily would have done something like that. "Shut up Jaclyn. Wait you speak French. You can read this." They heard her laughing louder.

"Not happening…Jane. Personal means personal."

XXXXX

"Maura you need to take care of yourself my friend. You know that this is all a warning sign."

"I know Dr. Kate."

"You know you really didn't betray her right."

"But I did in her mind."

"You two touched that plain again. Now your fear has come true. You feel she has abandoned you."

"Hasn't she?"

"Only you can answer that my friend. You are so in fear that you haven't settled yourself and reached out to her in the world made for you two on the plain of your love. You told me once in the physical world everyone said she died but you knew she was alive."

"I did."

"Reach out to her on that plain and she will manifest here because she adores you. She wouldn't want you in a state of fear."

"Okay… I will try… I'm going up stairs and take a bath." She said as she headed up the stairs not really wanting to talk about how much fear she was truly in.

"Jennifer…Watch our friend carefully. She has opened her heart totally again and it needs protecting at the moment."

"I know Dr. Kate. If we find Emily she may need medical attention since we believe she has a gunshot wound and a head injury."

"I believe she may also be suffering from a broken heart but medicine can't mend that only the two of you can."

"I know that too and I'm not sure what to do."

"You two take care of her soul and I will tend to her body when she decides to bless us with her presence again."

"Thank you… I'm going up stairs and check on her now."

XXXXX

"Are you going to take all day in there?" Jane asked being impatient wanting to go to Maura's so the woman could read what the letter Emily had left said.

"Look I have to look exactly like Calvin Stuart when you cuff me and take me in so there aren't any questions," she said as she entered the bedroom from the bathroom.

Morgan and Jane looked up and both of their mouths fell open.

"What's the matter with you two never seen a woman in drag before?"

"You mean to say this is what Emily looked like this morning?" Morgan said pointing his finger down to the ground emphasizing this morning.

"Yeah…"

"Oh my god…" Jane found her voice finally "Does she dress like that…" waving her hand up and down reflecting Jaclyn's appears, "a lot?"

"No… she hasn't done this cover in many years."

Morgan smiled a cheeky smile, "Emily as a woman is well endowed and apparently as a man too."

"I wouldn't say that to her face Morgan." Jane said laughing.

"Shut up the both of you… when under cover as a man we have to bind our beast and as you have stated she has a rich supply so we make adjustment so ones eye doesn't go towards our chest."

"Well that surely does the trick." He said laughing.

Jane took her phone out to take a picture while Morgan had Jaclyn distracted.

"God I hate doing Calvin Stuart."

"Well as one man to another you make us men proud."

"Shut Morgan and handcuff me Jane."

"Bet Emily says that to a lot of women." He said laughing as he went out the door.

"If I were you I would delete that picture you took because she will shoot you over that."

Jane was shocked that Jaclyn knew she took it… "I was just going to show JJ and Maura."

"Okay but I would delete afterwards. She is very touchy on her covers especially the male ones."

"She has more than one?"

"Yes… we both do."

"I could never be a spy because I couldn't wear that without being self-conscience."

"That doesn't bother me but it is as uncomfortable as hell." She said moving said appendage to make it more comfortable. "This is why I hated doing Calvin Stuart. She owes me big time."

XXXXX

JJ knocked on Maura's bedroom door softly. "Maura…can I come in?" She opened the door slowly when she got no answer. She found the woman sitting on her bed with Emily's robe in her arms hugging it to her chest like she was willing Emily to manifest in it.

"Maura honey… do you want me to run you some bath water?"

She looked up at her. JJ's heart almost broke at the flow of tears running down Maura's face. "Oh sweetie it's going to be okay." JJ said as she came and sat beside the broken woman pulling her into a hug.

"She was right." Maura said in a small voice.

"Who was right?"

"Jaclyn… Emily was opening some after she rested but I kept pushing."

"You were trying to help because you saw the pain she was in."

"Yes for the most part but I was afraid of losing her too. I've been afraid ever since slapping her that first time in the morgue. I think I slapped her because I wanted to push her away before she hurt me again by abandoning me."

"Sweetie… Emily hasn't left you…she is just hurting and needs space. She always withdrawals from people when she feels this way, then before you know it she has worked it all out and she's there again."

"I can't feel her Jennifer… I always feel her, even if it's just in a subtle way I still feel her."

"Maybe you just …"

"Dr. Kate said I need to connect with Emily on the plain of our love. How can I… if I can't feel her?" Maura said interrupting as her mind raced trying to think of how to fix it all.

"Maybe…" JJ started again, "You need to meditate and she will come."

Maura looked up into JJ's eyes, "Will you help me…I know it's a lot to ask but will you help me?"

"Of course I will… what do you have in mind?"

"I need to relax and feel safe…I also think I need a smell of hers. Smell is a huge part in triggering things."

JJ agreed with that train of thought, "How do you want to accomplish this?"

"I want to take a bath with the lavender salts and meditate in the warm water. I would like you to just sit behind me and hold me giving me some grounding. I know it sounds strange but I believe it will work."

"I can do that…if you believe it will work then it will. Let me go get everything ready and we will try and find you some peace." She said as she stood and headed for the bathroom.

XXXXX

Jane put a handcuffed Jaclyn in the back seat of her cruiser and headed down to BPD to hand her over to Korsak because she wanted to get over to Maura's house with the news and the letter. Jaclyn had told Jane that someone from the C.I.A. would be coming to take her off their hands to preserve the cover since it was a justified shooting.

Morgan had decided to head back over to the Ambassadors house to let Hotch know what was going on and to finish his part in testing the security system at the Ambassador's house.

Jane put Jaclyn into an interrogation room and went to find Korsak so she could leave hopefully leave.

"Hey Janie… Who's in there?" Frankie asked as he saw his sister exiting out of the interrogation room.

"Oh…it's Jaclyn."

"That doesn't look like a Jaclyn in there with a full beard and mustache Jane."

"It is trust me… She is the shooter from Hyde Park."

"Ok… You know these whole spook people are weirding me out."

"Tell me about it. Hey have you seen Korsak I want to hand her off to him?"

"He was at his desk the last time I saw him. Oh… and by the way I hear your getting a new partner."

"Wait…what?"

"Yeah… I hear he is going to be here day after tomorrow to start the paperwork."

"Who is he?"

"Don't know just heard he is coming from Washington D.C."

"I'm sorry Frankie… I know you were hoping they would keep you in homicide."

"It's okay…we both knew that it was a long shot since we are brother and sister."

"I know…where are you going then?"

"I guess back to narcotics."

"Hang in there."

"You too…Has Emily shown up yet?"

"Yes and no so to speak."

"Is there ever a simple answer when it involves her?"

"Doesn't seem like it little brother. Listen I gotta go but we will catch up later."

"Yeah…sure go ahead."

Jane walked into the bullpen and saw Korsak talking to a man in a dark suit. She looked at him and thought "Damn… they are fast or Jaclyn had called them not wanting to stay at the station to long."

"Hey Korsak…"

"Oh Jane… this is Agent Peters and he is here to take a prisoner off our hands."

"Would that prisoner's name be Calvin Stuart?"

"Yes it would." The man said extending his hand in greeting.

"I have her…excuse me him in an interrogation room down the hall."

"Thank you Detective…"

"Rizzoli"

"Of course… Detective Rizzoli…for bring him in safely."

"I'll take you to get him in a moment agent but I need a moment in privet with Detective Rizzoli." Korsak said extending his hand to shake the agent's.

"I'll wait in the hall then…and thank you again." He said as he left the bullpen for the hallway.

"What's going on Jane? That man is from the C.I.A."

"You know the Hyde Park shooting this morning?"

"Yeah…"

"That was really Emily undercover and I just brought in Jaclyn disguised as Emily disguised as Calvin Stuart. I'm probably not even supposed to be telling you this either."

"Wait that guy is a woman and Emily shot the two robbers?"

"Yes…"

"So she's back…"

"No…that's why Jaclyn is taking her place. Look I can't really explain it but I have to get over to Maura's with some news from Emily."

"Go ahead Jane you've made my head hurt."

"You don't even know the half of it."

"And I'm glad I don't." He said shaking his head at the information rattling around in his head.

XXXXX

Maura entered the bathroom in her robe and found that JJ was already sitting in the tub. She took her robe off as JJ extended her hand to help the woman into the warm water.

"Thank you for doing this Jennifer."

"It's my pleasure Maura. You know I'm here for you two."

Maura smiled as she leaned back against JJ's chest and they settled into the warmth and the fragrances floating around them.

"Do you want me to wash your back?"

"No…I just need a few moments… I'm trying to reflect on our meditation yesterday."

"That was intense I must admit."

"It was and it was the first time that Emily and I have reconnected totally."

"I thought you two did before we left on the mission?"

"We were intimate but we hadn't totally reconnected like we did yesterday. I can't explain."

"It's okay I think I understand. It's about being totally present isn't it?"

"Something to that extent"

They settled back into a meditative silence when all of a sudden Jane busted into the bathroom.

"Jane…" Maura said loudly startled by the intrusion.

"What…and what the hell?" She said as she realized that both Maura and JJ were in the bath tub together.

"Do you ever knock…seems you would have learned after yesterday that…things go on behind closed doors." JJ said smiling at the blushing brunette.

"Well apparently they do now that the B.A.U. is here."

"Jane stop it...I asked Jennifer to bathe with me hoping to maybe reconnect with Emily. Have you heard anything about her?"

Jane opened her mouth to say something but stopped cold realizing that they were naked in the tub which just hit her conscience thought. She turned her back so she could tell them about everything without having to see them giving her the ability to talk.

"We went to the hotel and found it like Jaclyn said it would be. There was a bag that had the disguise in it and I just have to ask this did you two know that Emily did drag and packed as well?"

"What?" They said in unison.

Jane got so carried away that she forgot the women were naked in the tub and turned to face them, "Yeah… Jaclyn had to dress in Emily's cover so we could arrest her and take her down to the station…"

"You arrested Emily?" Maura asked Jane puzzled.

"No Maura she arrested Jaclyn dressed as Emily's undercover for fleeing the scene of a crime." JJ explained.

"Yeah… it had to be done but the C.I.A. picked her up when we got to the station since it was a justified shoot. Seems that assassins can't stay at a scene and blow there covers. She'll be back here soon."

"That makes sense I guess." Maura said piecing it together in her mind.

"Now as I was saying here look at your wife in drag." She said showing them the photo on her phone.

"That's not…ohhh…no not Emily." JJ said seeing the picture. "No Emily hasn't ever looked like that I would have remembered and would have put that fantasy to use." JJ said with an admiring smile.

"Ohhh yeah…with you on that one Jennifer" Maura said in a lustful voice.

Jane turned her back again totally embarrassed by the two in the tub.

"Hey we were looking at that." JJ said in a teasing tone.

"Jane…Look at me." Maura said trying to get her to turn.

"No…"

"Jane you're a prude."

That got her attention…she leaned down face to face with Maura, "What did you call me?"

"You heard me you're a prude." She said with a grin and bounced forward and gave her a peck on the lips, "But I love you."

Jane could see the tear tracks down her friends face now that she was face to face with her. "I'm a prude hum…" Jane said standing up indignantly… "I'll show you prude." She pulled her boots off, then her shirt, t-shirt and sports bra with it.

"Jane what are you doing?" Maura said laughing.

"Showing you prude…" She mumbled as she pulled her pants off. "I guess the only way to please you people is to be naked with you." Was the last thing she said as she pulled her underwear off and stepped into the tub with the other two.

"Well it's a good thing this is a garden tub." JJ said laughing at Jane. "Do you want me to leave you two alone?"

"Oh no… I'm not going to be the only voyeur in this bunch, you are staying put."

"Jane…"

"What… who's the prude now Maura?" Jane asked as she faced the woman and started tickling her sides.

"Be careful there Jane you might end up with something you are not sure of what to do with in your hands." JJ said laughing at the woman.

"Be quiet in the gallery."

"Jane…Stop"

"Who's a prude Maura?"

"You still are." She said as she captured Jane's lips in a kiss.

"Hey you guys…" Garcia said as she walked in. "Damn and I would have brought popcorn if I would've known."

"What is it Pen?" JJ asked rolling her eyes hoping she had information and wouldn't start messing with them.

"Well while you girls were up here playing spin the bottle…"

"There is no bottle in here." Maura said puzzled.

"It is just a saying Maur…"

"Anyway as I was saying… I got the slut to run some of Emily's old aliases to see if she was using any of them…"

"Make sure to tell her to look for male and female." Jane said.

"Okay."

"What… wait…"Okay" is it? You are not surprised that she packs?" Jane asked trying to get a rise out of the colorful woman.

"Hell no…I've known for years that Emily has balls. Shoot she has more than most of the men I've dated put together." She said raising her hand in a dismissive fashion as she was leaving. They heard her say, "You can't leave them alone for minute that they aren't getting naked and groping each other."

"We don't grope." JJ yelled out the door.

"Yeah…Yeah whatever…Keep telling yourselves that." Was answered as the door was heard shutting.

They all busted out laughing.

"Well… I believe I'm feeling a bit better I just wish we had heard from Emily." Maura said regaining herself.

"Oh… that's why I came up here…"

"It wasn't to join us in the tub. I'm hurt." JJ said feigned being stabbed in the heart as Maura started laughing again.

"Shut up JJ… No Emily left two letters in the hotel. One had my name on it and the other had Maura's. I read mine and it dealt with the crime scene stuff."

"And the other," JJ asked raising an eyebrow in question.

"It had personal on it. I don't read others mail…especially since the woman wrote it in French."

They all busted out laughing again.

"Where is the letter Jane?" Maura asked smiling.

"In the back pocket of my pants so let's get out of here and go down stairs and I will read mine if you read me yours," she said wiggling her eyebrows.

"Jennifer I think we have been offered an offer we can't refuse."

"Sounds like it." She said as they all grabbed towels to dry off with.

XXXXX

Emily exited the plane into the humid heat. She forgot how hot the south got in the summer. She knew she had to finish things up quickly. If the girls figured out where she was they would come for her and she couldn't let them do that. She had to let go and understand everything was the right decision for everyone involved.

XXXXX

JJ made it down stairs first and went to get a cup of coffee.

"My…aren't you just the little player?"

"Don't start Pen. Maura wanted to try and reconnect with Emily and needed me to be an anchor."

"You don't have to be naked to be an anchor sweetie."

"Pen…"

Garcia phone rang interrupting the conversation.

"Goddess of all knowledge"

"Whatever Julie..."

"Thank you for checking for us."

"I know she is a grown woman and she will make contact when she wants to."

"I will not tell her that… but thank you again…Pen out." She hung up before the woman could say anything else. "Slut"

"Pen…"

"What that woman is horrible."

"What did she say?"

"That Emily isn't using any of her covers as of yet."

Jane and Maura made it down stairs. JJ handed Maura a glass of wine and Jane a beer. They all needed their vices at the moment.

Jane pulled the first letter and read it aloud:

Jane…Know this I would never point a rifle or any other weapon at Maura. Secondly I am not crazy in fact I am in total control of my emotions and hormones. I told one Rizzoli to make sure the safety was off before pulling a gun now I'm telling the other one. I could have taken it from you several times last night but that wasn't what I wanted.

Now tell Maura that the bitch needs sleep and tell Jaclyn I owe her for Calvin. I know she hates that cover but I didn't plan on her having to use it when I chose it…. Emily

JJ noticed tears again in Maura's eyes. "What is it…why are you crying Maura?"

"She made me so angry last night I used the name we called her mother when we were younger."

"I was wondering about the "bitch" comment." Jane said looking at her friend.

"Wait let me get this straight…you pulled a gun out on Emily and you," pointing at Maura, "called her a bitch? " Pen asked unbelievingly.

"Yes…"

"Well you better believe Emily is in control of her emotions because anyone else that would have done that would've been shot." Pen said shaking her head in disbelief still.

"Question…Why does Emily owe Jaclyn, she has dressed as a man before." JJ asked confused.

"Well… Jaclyn said it had to do with the packing thing…"Jane said as she pulled the photo up on her phone again and pointed, "that right there is uncomfortable as hell she said."

"Hold on…Jaclyn didn't wear that when she was a man on the mission. I would have noticed that."

"No she didn't." Maura agreed with JJ.

"Holy moly…no wonder all the popcorn is popped." Pen said as she got her first look at the picture.

"Hold it right there… she doesn't or hasn't ever worn that to pop popcorn with me or Maura." JJ said trying to reign in Pen before she started down the wrong trail of thinking.

"No according to Jaclyn she wears it to take peoples' eyes away from her chest so they will not figure out she is a she." Jane said expressing her point with her hands.

"Well that mission is accomplished…" Pen said wide eyed. "I would delete that if I was you because if I know Emily she will shoot you for less."

They all agreed while laughing.

JJ sat on the couch and motioned for Maura to come and sit so she could lean back like she was doing in the tub. She found it comforting in a way too because she was worried about Emily just as much as Maura but had to give the press liaison persona.

"Can I have my letter now Jane?"

"Yea…sure Maur"

They all were quiet while she read the letter knowing that it probably was more personal than the woman wanted to share with the group.

Mon amour (My Love,)

Pardonne-moi je sais que je l'ai déclenché la peur d'abandon encore une fois.

(Forgive me…I know I have triggered fear of abandonment yet again.)

Je l'ai entendu dans votre voix la nuit dernière.

(I heard it in your voice last night.)

Je t'aime tellement et pourtant je trop peur.

(I love you so much and yet I too fear.)

Je crains de te faire du mal. Cette seule pensée me terrifie.

(I fear of hurting you. That thought alone terrifies me.)

S'il vous plaît ... me faut du temps pour vous assurer que tout est à nouveau en sécurité .

(Please…I need time to make sure all is safe again.)

Amour

Emily

Tears ran down Maura's face as she reread the letter. JJ slid her hands around her waist in an act of comfort.

" Maur…Are you okay ? " Jane asked as she saw the tears flowing again.

She smiled and placed her hands on top of JJ's. " I'm fine because I know where she is. "

"Where… " They asked together.

"She has gone to see Carolina. "

They didn't get a chance to ask any questions because Garcia's phone started ringing.

"Oracle of supreme knowledge at your service."

"Oh…that's great news Raphy. Thank you."

"Raphy said Emily called in a favor with someone she knows that teaches flying and they said she flew to Johnson County Airport in Tennessee."

"Pen… where is Carolina buried ? " JJ asked following Maura's train of thought.

"Somewhere in Mountain City Tennessee."

"Looks like we'll be heading to Tennessee then."

"No Jennifer…you will be going and take Raphy with you." Maura said with a look of "trust me."

"Why Raphy?"

"He knew Michelle and he knows the atmosphere you might encounter with Emily."

"I'll call Hotch…he will probably send Morgan with me as a protocol."

"Did she tell you she was going to see Michelle in the letter?" Garcia asked wondering.

"No but it is all making sense to me now. JJ and I brought all the pieces in to the same room

yesterday and now she is putting them back into place starting with the firing range and being

in the Michelle persona. I believe she has gone to the Lauren persona by running and protecting

us from her darkness but she is running to the only one I have heard her say that has made her

feel safe besides Jennifer and I."

"Hold on Maur…are you profiling her and isn't that why we are in this mess to begin with?"

Jane asked worriedly.

"No Jane this is just a knowing I have in my heart. I can feel her again. Jennifer you will meet

with the Emily you knew before Paris when you find her. That's why I'm sending you and not

going myself. She will talk to you about things she needs a best friend for. You are her warrior

mate and this journey calls for you and then you both will return and Emily will be in one piece

again having made peace with her past except for Kia. That will be mine and her journey. That

peace may take longer since she is pregnant and can't really travel to London to set things in

order."

"Well let's get on the phone and make this happen then because I'm really looking forward to

just one Emily." Pen said as she was flying over the key board setting up a jet for the team and

hotel rooms.

 **Thank you for your continued support in reading this story. I have had an issue and I thought I would bring it to you my readers. We are very close to the end or where I saw the story ending.**

 **I want to know if you as readers want and Epilogue as a means to end this series or would you like me to continue (with the knowledge that the stories aren't going to come out as quickly because I'm working on a book I need to finish) since I do have stories of how people ended up with each other and so forth.**

 **I just do not want to expand a story to death. This has already grown beyond where I imagined in the first place but it is still fresh I feel. We still have a birth and a wedding that yes has a very twisted plot to it but it will be amazing.**

 **I want to also take another moment and thank you all for the reviews. They have encouraged my heart. I started this whole project to pull myself out of a dark place and to finish something and it has accomplished that. This also has proven to me that I can write a book and finish it. Thank you all for journeying with me.**


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